Having met some Dutch women while studying abroad in college, I can tell you this much--they are cool. Not only is their English so good that at first I thought they might be Americans or Canadians, but they also seemed to achieve, what I believe to be, the epitome of well-adjusted male/female friendships. For some reason (and I won't elaborate on this observation), much of Europe and the UK have not yet embraced a casual coed dynamic. But, the Dutch women projected a confidence, casualness and ease that impressed me. Maybe it is because they were raised with the certainty, not merely the belief, that they could actually choose their own life trajectory. Or, maybe I'm projecting my own disappointment with American "values" on them. Maybe they were just healthy, happy, financially secure, well-educated, interesting women.
I've often looked at the way American society views life choices like higher education, marriage, careers and children. I've wondered endlessly about the double-standards and contradictions we place on these areas and how we break them down and justify them by gender, socioeconomic, racial and geographical status. For example, when my charming and stalwart boyfriend proposed to me when I was 21, my friends and family in Minnesota were thrilled. However, it shocked my East Coast friends, who couldn't believe people even thought about marriage until 30. They all told me things like, "It must be a midwest thing" and "I can't imagine planning like that at our age". More broadly, we aren't shocked to hear of single mothers in their late teens coming from areas of lower income, but an unwed mother and teacher in the suburbs causes parents unease because of the questions their kids might ask.
I think the real shame of the American Dream is that it has morphed into this belief that we have to be someone famous, incredible or noteworthy to achieve it. The American Dream was supposed to be about shaking off the binds of centuries of being told our destinies by a king or oppressor. It was about opening up opportunities for advancement to those who desired. It was about letting people lead the lives they saw fit to lead without judgement or punishment. It wasn't about making girls feel bad for not being thin, or raising our children to think they are entitled to whatever they want whenever the want it. It wasn't about telling a smart person their talent is wasted if they don't become a doctor or a professional, or about making someone feel inadequate for doing a service job they enjoy.
Maybe the reason Dutch women don't get depressed is because they aren't all trying to compare themselves to Hollywood actresses or reality TV celebrities. Maybe it's because they all get quality education and health and medical care so they don't have to be stressed about loans and insurance. Maybe it's because they bike everywhere, instead of spending hours a day in a car, road-raging. Maybe it's because they can choose to have or not have a family and do so married or unmarried and their acceptance into society will be the same regardless of the choice.
I'm inclined to think it's all of these things.
