A Brief Hiatus

First, my apologies for the extended break I took from this blook. Life got in my way. Just when I thought I had everything going in the right direction, the weekend from Hell got me. First, I just need to say, Karma is, in fact, a bitch. At the very least, a cruel mistress. Long story short, one bad weekend left me less one car, my health and my economic stability. But, now I once again have wheels, my health and a fairly firm grasp on my finances, so I can resume my LoL activities.

I've determined something recently about myself, that I'm ashamed to admit; I need to get a life. Somehow, I've gotten so wrapped up in finding work and so resigned to my rural life, that I no longer have hobbies that I pursue. It took an argument with my manfriend to illuminate it for me, but I no longer do any of the things that I used to do for release and fulfillment.

Sure, I have friends and every now and then I see them for an evening or a lunch. But, I stopped meeting my workout buddy because I now live in a place with a free facility. Sure, I'm no longer paying for my workouts, but I'm also not enjoying them and they've become much less frequent.

I don't sing anymore except for in my car. It got so bad a few weeks ago that I had to stop and mock myself. If there was a legitimate award for over-the-top car singing, I'd be this year's winner. From 5th grade until I graduated from college, singing in some capacity was always my therapy. The combination of the musical and social aspects were magical for me. I can't believe it's been over six years since I sang with a group.

I don't fill my days. I used to thrive on filled days. Not necessarily activity at every moment, but a sense of a schedule during which I fit in work, social engagements, hobbies, study or reading, down time and meals. It made the days when I got a cancellation or a break from one of those things, seem special. I used to get gleeful when I could cross something out of my planner. Now, I often struggle to fill my days and I look forward to getting to write things into that same planner. Strangely, when I was busy all the time, I never needed the planner because some part of my brain took care of remembering all of my appointments. Now, I need to look at it daily just to remember the simplest schedule. I believe my brian might actually be atrophying.

The Lady of Leisure challenge from now until the end of the year is to get a life. I'm prepared to take my own challenge and document my progress daily. As usual, I will be brutally honest. With any luck, I'll be able to make this into a real turn-around and not just a temporary change. But, fear of relapse is no reason not to try!

Maxim #2

Be Good and Generous--To Yourself.

Think of how often you've splurged for the perfect, if extravagant, gift for a friend or family member. The goal was their joy at receiving the gift (if it wasn't, examine your motivations--seriously). Why shouldn't we seek to do the same for ourselves?

I don't mean you should saturate your credit card with things you can't afford, but a Lady of Leisure should value herself enough to be willing to put a little extra forward for her own enjoyment. For example, you wouldn't buy a sad bottle of wine as a gift for someone else, so why would you limit yourself to only buying cheap wine? Also, there's no difference between buying $20 jewelry several times a month and splurging once on a really fabulous $300 something. Furthermore, whether you're single or not, there is NEVER a reason to stay at a HoJo when you could stay somewhere lovely where you might actually feel comfortable closing your eyes.

I'm not advocating financial irresponsibility--I'm just saying that if we're going to work hard, we should feel as though we do so for our own luxury once in awhile. Most of us are aware that few rewards will come to us by way of others, so it's up to us to reward ourselves once in awhile.

The Ambition Condition | Bitch Magazine

The Ambition Condition | Bitch Magazine

Are We What We Do?

One of the things I've struggled with most in my newfound LoLdom is my identity. For nearly two decades, I've been an ambitious doer. I was the doingest middle schooler, for which I earned a nifty plaque. Then I was the doingest high schooler, this time earning me a nifty trophy. The trend continued through college and into my first career. However, outside of academia, I quickly learned a cruel lesson--no one gave a shit what I did.

Before I began a career in politics, I gave hours and hours of my time and energy to building relationships, helping candidates and generally being as available for whatever as I could be, in the hopes of establishing a reputation for myself and a certain trust and confidence in my dedication. It was this free time and energy, this above-and-beyondness that earned me my first political job and all the others after. The funny thing is, the minute I started making a buck, all of that goodwill went out the window and suddenly I was just like all of the other overworked, under-appreciated, "incompetent" young people working in my field. Regardless, the challenges of the work and the minute crumbs of achievement made it worth the criticism.

But what now?

I can't get a job directly in the political realm anymore, and I'm not sure that's a bad thing. That being said, for four years, it was how I DEFINED myself. I was a hard-working, strategically-thinking, stress-managing machine. And then, it was done. For years I had worked without boundaries or limits. I alienated my friends because I was never available, I strained family relationships by asking them for limitless patience with my schedule and demands, I sacrificed meaningful relationships because I ate, slept and breathed another person's ambitious agenda, and I drained myself so fully that what interactions people DID have with me were pathetically vacant. To cap it off, I developed an ulcer, just to prove that the stress I was under was real and acute.

Obviously, I haven't found the same kind of employment since. What I have found is friendship, recreation, vacation, hobby, fun, free-time, sleep, calm, interests and love. I've found LEISURE.

For decades I didn't know it was missing! Now that I have it, I can't imagine forsaking it again.

Still, it's hard for me when someone says, "What do you do?"

There was a time I would've immediately told them I worked on political campaigns (btw, this is a GREAT way to dodge a d-bag at a bar...), but now, I feel compelled to tell them ANYTHING else. I'm a reader. I'm a BB-gun shooter. I'm a singer. I'm a modest gardner and avid fisherwoman. I'm an outdoorswoman and a lover of old movies. All of these things are more interesting and more true to the question than my occupation.

I understand, now, why stay-at-home-mothers have such a hard time socializing. Our culture is all about money and how we make it. There was a time when what someone did was just what they did. If your family had a farm, you inherited it. If the men in your family were doctors, that's what you were, too. But where does that leave women? For centuries women were childbearing, cleaning, cooking, sewing, washing entities. Then we busted out--but the deal wasn't necessarily a sweet one. Now, we are all of those things AND we need to be more. We're supposed to be ambitious and intelligent in our careers, look nice, find nice men, make good kids, keep cute homes, have great friends, be good community members and do it without being bitches. Women's lib be damned! Women's suffrage and all that followed was supposed to ALLOW women to do everything, not MANDATE it!

I'm endeavoring to relieve myself of this pressure, but it's not going to be easy. First, I have to give myself an effing break; I don't need to have an amazing career to be an amazing person. Second, I have to accept my essential nature; I'm an introvert. All of those years of constant contact and being "on" burned me out prematurely. Just like an athlete who blows their knee by pushing themselves too hard for too long, so I did to my soul. I can never again pretend to have infinite patience and endless enthusiasm. Instead, I'm going to have to work--a day at a time--at accepting my own need for leisure. Ladies, I suggest you do the same.

Maxim #1

There is a tongue-in-cheekness about the idea of being a Lady of Leisure (or, indeed, a Lad of Leisure). It isn't entirely a lifestyle--it is a state of mind.

Interspersed in this blook will be maxims. These will be the things that I have come to see as defining a Lady or Lad of Leisure.

The first is this: Girlfriends are great, Partners in Crime (PICs) are better.

In order to fully embrace your LOLness, you're going to need people in your life who support what you're about, not resent it. Cut the fat. It's time to say goodbye to the endlessly bitching, frequently judging, constantly fault-finding friends. There is NOTHING leisurely about being made to feel guilty because you are a busy person or because you don't watch bad reality TV. There is nothing leisurely about being condemned for a drunken night or a misguided decision or a temporary departure from your "you-ness".

FIND YOURSELF SOME PEOPLE WHO WANT TO LIVE!!!! You need ladies who will encourage you to do the things that bring you joy and who don't begrudge you some selfishness in your life. If they happen to be game for some BB-Gun shooting, all the better.

Reunions (A.K.A. Waterboarding)

Besides "scrapbooking", there is only one other word in the English language that can evoke from me a feeling akin to a mild stroke; reunion.

Let me say, this is a response that has evolved over the years. While I wasn't Patty Simcox-excited about my 5-year high school reunion, I also wasn't without some curiosity about who would show up, what people would look like, and what my classmates would be doing with their lives. It was a low-stress event--a casual picnic with no speeches, plenty of booze and best of all, no dancing.

I attended my 5-year college reunion as well and while I'll never make a special effort to go back to another, it wasn't TOO terrible. Sure, I spent the majority of conversations answering nosy questions about my failed marriage (already a bit of a freak because I had been married to begin with), and there was the Twilight Zone-worthy familiarity about hanging out at Kenyon watching everyone slip naturally and effortlessly back into their 19 year-old selves (complete with meaningless liaisons and stomach pyrotechnics), but it was fun, right?....

But, a whole new terror is on the horizon. An event I had never planned to attend, much less plan. An event so cliched and generally acknowledged to share a place on the Pain Scale with root canals, that I don't even know if it's worth writing about. In a month, I will attend my 10-year high school reunion. (A note of attained wisdom--when volunteering for class offices as a high school senior, consider how that college resume-building distinction may saddle you for the rest of your life.)

Unfortunately, logical or not, I have never looked forward to an event less. Not because it won't be nice to see people and hear what they're up to and see pictures of their husbands/wives/kids/pets/cars, but because I don't want to see myself through their eyes. It becomes more apparent as time goes on that there were very few people who really knew who I was back then, and who could blame them? I constructed such an elaborate version of myself for others, that I was a persona, not a person. I didn't have a group, I floated between several. I had a "popular", nice boyfriend, which kept me from total dorkdom and allowed me to attend "important" events like proms and sporting events. The most comfortable I felt was in my "smart" classes, but I had to be careful not to seem too smart, lest I alienate people.

I remember being in self defense class one morning, and we were supposed to envision our futures. Then we were supposed to take a few minutes to look around the room at the other girls and envision their futures. One really nice girl raised her hand and said, "Anna's going to be the first woman president." In a few weeks, I'm going to see this person and say, "Actually, I'm a political consultant/massage therapist...yes, I was married...he was an alcoholic....I live in Hugo...it's near White Bear...my manfriend owns a place up there...the legion has really good popcorn." While I've never aspired to the presidency, I did think I wanted to be in the diplomatic service. That way, at least I could be out of the country. But like so many of my other endeavors, that one is half-baked. Something about the State Department's stern position on Intention has made me hesitant. And so the inner battle between what I want to do and what I should want to do, rages on.

All of this could really be solved by adhering to one of the Modern Lady of Leisure rules (to be outlined as the blook develops)--Always Accept an Offer to Travel.

Why the hell didn't I get one for September 18th?

My House of Cards

I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed. -Michael Jordan