Low expectations!
That's right. Keep your expectations low and you will be happy with whatever you can get. According to this article I read , it is a long-held secret of the Danish people and now it's found its way across the Atlantic to the US. Admittedly, the Danes are in a better position to KEEP their expectations low. Denmark is a country of 5.5 million people, of whom, 90.9% are 100% Danish, (therefore, there's no need for an Affirmative Action equivalent). They are also a Monarchy and have been forever, so the people are accustomed to having decisions made for them and therefore feel little pressure, I'd imagine, to become overly invested in matters of State. There is also relatively little wage disparity and education is free for all citizens, virtually eliminating crime, greed and corrupt ambition. Even Oprah said that, "a simple life and strong social system make Denmark one of the best places on Earth to live."
Would that I were Danish.
But, I'm an American. America, a country with vast wage disparity, overpriced-underfunded education and a legacy of "boot straps" founders. A country where ambition is admired but also where complacency is tolerated. A country of great diversity where opportunity is limitless and wealth is encouraged. A country where hard work and perseverance are the keys to success and achievement. A country where everyone's expectations are too high, including mine.
I recently talked to a family member who informed me that I should start adjusting to the idea that I will never achieve much more than a comfortable life. I will probably never find a long-term career that will actualize my potential, I will probably never make enough money to have a family of any size, and I will probably always be haunted by my early employment because it will portray me as a liberal-leftest-opportunistic-female-liability. Great. Now they tell me.
The truth is, I agree with the Danes. It IS about keeping your expectations low--but not ALL of your expectations. It's about being okay with the fact that you may never be a CEO or President of anything, but it's not about being okay with the idea that you shouldn't still strive for the things you want. I can accept a bad economy and some tough breaks, but I also know that there are still ways that I can feel successful and capable within a broken system. Part of what makes the Danes happy with their lot (besides the astronomical wealth most enjoy compared to the rest of the world), is a healthy attitude about family, recreation and education. They travel, they enjoy culture and art, they embrace leisure and they take pride in who they are and where they come from.
Very few people can derive all of their necessary reward from their occupation. Where Americans have gone wrong is that we've let all of the other parts of a happy foundation fall to a lower status, in pursuit of money and importance. We have strained marriages, struggling parents, loose family affiliations, weak ties to faith/spirituality, and our internal directional compases are confused. We expect so much of ourselves and others around us that we can't help but find disappointment everywhere we look.
There is no "Secret to Happiness". Maybe it's a combination of expectations and achievement. Maybe it's faith and purpose. Maybe it's fulfillment and foundation. Regardless, it's a state of mind and the only way we adjust that is internally. I've found it through a greater appreciation of all of the things in my life that have NOTHING to do with my career.
Love this!
ReplyDeleteI finally remembered my gmail account info. Anna you can expect a lot more comments from me in the future! :) (at least I hope that is a cause for a *smile* rather than a *sigh*)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! I'm glad that this stuff I'm writing is making sense to someone (ANYONE!) else. Blogging seems self-indulgent, but it's better than journaling and might help others to understand me better and for ME to understand me better :) Keep commenting, please!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you!!! Way back in 2003, my senior year in college, my last semester, a professor took me aside and said, "You don't need to come to class any more. There's no way you will pass." I was heartbroken, but strangely not surprised. I hated that class. It was once a week, and from 5-8pm. I attended maybe everyother meeting. But it was still a class I needed to graduate. I called my mother that evening, crying, and her words of advice have stuck with me ever since. In a very calm, nondisapointed voice, she said, "Don't set your expectations high, that way you'll never be let down." It made me laugh. Then she said, "Think about it. If you reach for the stars and miss, what happens? You fall on your face. If you go for something at arms length, maybe you tip toe, you might lose your balance, but at least it's not going to hurt like a big fall would."
ReplyDeleteSo. Years later, here I am, much like you, over educated, under employed, unmarried. But you know, I own my own house (modest, just perfect for me), have three lovely cats (3 is a safe number I think), a non-boyfriend boyfriend (no expectation of marriage, but a deep love), and I am content.