Wherever you go, there you are. Or something like that.

While I am cavalier and sometimes even a bit flippant about my Lady of Leisure status, in all honesty, I didn't come to this place without guilt or regret. At times over the last year or so, when I've felt particularly feckless, I've chastised myself for career decisions I did or didn't make because, until a couple of months ago, all of them would've meant I was employed. However, that changed on November 2nd. But, we'll get back to that...

Socrates said, "An unexamined life is not worth living." I think we all overanalyze aspects of our lives. Some focus on economic vitality, some on their love lives while others simply think about the superficial things like body image and appearances. It's so easy to get caught up in the "what ifs" of decisions we didn't make because every day we're confronted with hundreds of choices. I mean, for Christ's sake, is there a NEED for so many different kinds of laundry detergent!?! I just wanted to run in and grab some the other day and I spent an eternity trying to sort through them all. With fabric softener, without fabric softener, mountain scented, field scented, non-scented, with bleach alternative, without bleach alternative, with odor-killing somethingoranother BEYOND the odor-killing angel wing scent. Honestly, it's just soap! But, if I can be unsure about whether I chose the right detergent for my clothes, imagine the anxiety major life decisions can cause!

I'm somewhat cursed with an exaggerated nostalgic complex. It's not that I live in history, per se, but I do spend a lot of time looking back and analyzing what I see there. And, as helpful as it could've been in a lot of circumstances, I've never been a "shit happens"/"deal with it and move on"/"what's done is done" person, either. I'm more of a, "Goddamn it, Anna! Why did you do ____ when you could've done _____ if you'd just done ______! But nooooooooo. You had to do things the wrong way!" Wow. It turns out I'm my own fishwife. Awesome.

Anyway, on November 3rd I awoke to a political world turned upside down. Massive democratic defeats in Minnesota and across the nation changed the political landscape and while I was sad for friends and colleagues who were losing their jobs, the results were like a liberation for me!

Between 2005 and 2008, I had a lot of career momentum. I started working on my first campaigns as a paid staffer, I worked at the Minnesota House of Representatives, and I ran a Congressional campaign. I moved from one exciting position to another, fielded offers and made choices that at the time, seemed like the best ones I could've made. However, November of 2008, after a crushing defeat, I began to question whether the choices I'd made were wise.

I went to work at the Minnesota House at the request of one of the candidates I worked for in the '06 election. I was also offered a position with the Senator I worked for in that election, but I chose the House instead. Within 6 months, it became apparent that the "reason" for which I'd taken the job was less-than-committed and I began questioning my decision not to go to work for the Senator. Then, the Congressional campaign came up and I was spared from having to live out that first decision. When the year I spent on the campaign ended in a loss, I found myself regretting (only slightly, this time) having left a secure job with benefits. As work grew harder to find, my feelings of regret intensified. But, on November 3rd of this year, I was released from all of that.

Had I taken the job with the Senator instead of the Representative, I would now be out of a job, as he lost his election. If I'd stayed at the House, I would have been subjected to the complete gutting that took place within the staff and I would've most certainly have lost my job. Had I kept it, I am certain the stress of the working environment I would've had to endure during the process and after, would've taken their toll. I've kept in touch with some good friends who did stay and they indicated that even HR was recommending people increase their anti-depressants. Finally, had we won the Congressional race, with the political climate that existed this year, we would've certainly lost the election and I would, again, be out of a job. In short, no matter what I'd decided in the last five years, the outcome would've been the same. There is freedom and relief in knowing this.

As it is, I am lucky. My time since the 2008 elections has been spent getting my life in order, learning a skill (I am now an Aveda-trained massage therapist), reconnecting with friends and making my way in new directions. If I were just now being thrust out into the cold ranks of the unemployed, after all of the focus on it nationally, I believe the fear would be paralyzing. Also, had I spent another two years eating, sleeping and breathing politics, I might believe there was nothing else I am suited for. As it turns out, it may be one of the few things I'm not well-suited for. But, I'd never know that if I hadn't been forced to try other things and explore new options.

Mostly, I'm just glad that now I can stop blaming myself for my current employment status. I am working and that's more than a lot of my friends and former colleagues can say. I also have two years of perspective that I've gained and there's real worth in that. The best of this is a comfort with discomfort. Not knowing bothers me less and less all the time and I really do believe that there's a reason for the cliche, "Wherever you go, there you are." Or, maybe more appropriately, "Whatever you choose, there's your choice."